Pissy Pierced Punk (AAAAAARGH eeeeeauhhhcccchh huh huh huh)
Plumage: Festive tattoos. Enough piercings to set off airport metal detector. Hair in many colors not found in nature. Music producing equipment (i.e., plugged in to Walkman or Discman, or carrying boom box). Emaciated, terrible posture. Rancid t-shirt with sleeves ripped off. Belt covered with studs or spikes. If Punk is old-school, may sport mohawk hairdo, crafted with gel and Elmer's Glue. If you do spy a mohawk, be aware that you are viewing a nearly extinct subspecies and approach it with concern and care. Speak to it softly.
Habitat: Drugstore, over by the Manic Panic hair dye. The Gauntlet piercing emporium (note, though, that some Punks do not find the piercing experience to be authentic unless it is conducted in an alleyway with an unsterilized needle from a travel sewing kit that's fallen on the ground a few times), dark club, local heroin den, parts of town your mother warned you about. However, the suburbanite need not despair of never spotting a Punk--she is likely to spy multitudes tiny Suburban Punk boys hovering around the local record outlet buying Green Day albums and peeing surreptitiously in mall flowerbeds.
Feeding Habits: Hostess Snack products, cheap beer, pizza, heroin, speed, cold medications (in bulk).
Sexual Display: Gropes attractive female in the mosh pit (alt., the gentlemanly punk rescues attractive female from being groped in the mosh pit). When he wipes his sweat on a female, it means he is seeking an introduction.
Agonistic Display: Hurls entire body against hostile male. Sneers. Spits. Vomits on Other's shoes.
Courtship Behavior: Shyly proffers tickets to underground show he has begged doorman friend for for weeks. Offers to pierce you. Gives you singles by bands with names like "Dahmer's Refrigerator" and "Butt Hate."
Mating Ritual: Shows up at your house, unannounced. Pokes through your refrigerator. Watches TV with you, mocking the various shows. Goes through your record collection, commenting unfavorably on it. When you are both on your knees looking at old Ramones albums, he kisses you.
Mating Call: "Beer?"
Field Notes: Can you hear the Pissy Pierced Punk in the wild? Listen for a falling "Ramo-o-o-o-o-ones" flute tone, or repeated "bite me, bite me, bite me" whistle. In midflight (airborne in the mosh pit) listen for a soft "bollocks, bollocks" or a high, sibilant "you suck!"
Figure 1: Guide to Piercings