Common Name Scientific Name Pretentious Serious Theater Man Stellaus stellaus Happy Musical Theater Fella Rogers anhammerstein Baffling Performance Artist ArtsGrantus nono Alienated Film Boy Royalus withcheesum Nimble-Fingered Classical Pianist Evgeny kissin Unearthly-vibrato-bearing Opera Singer Nessun dorma Heavy-lidded Jazz Aficionado Notatus caeruleus Smooth 'n' Oily Lounge Act Igottabeme crooner Hathead Country-Western Singer Yodelus heehaw Snarling Gangsta Rapper Lass lassie pooch Pissy Pierced Punk AAAAAARGH eeeeeauhhhcccchh huh huh huh Alternative Rock Boy Cobainus howlum Acerbic Bipolar Novelist Burroughs kerouacum Starving Disaffected Art Male Piccasus basquiatum
About Artsy Boys:
The tortured, artistic young man is always appealing. Our salivatory response to him has been "imprinted" upon us by exposure to countless foxy historical and cultural role models: William Butler Yeats, Vincent van Gogh, Rimbaud, Johnny Depp, Jean-Michel Basquiat, Joseph (biblical), Franz Lizst, Jim Morrison, Brick in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, River Phoenix, Dracula, Jesus, and all famous people named Dylan (D. Thomas, Bob D., D. McKay of 90210).
Why is the artsy male so often more enticing than the Gainfully Employed male? Because of his big emotions and flaming passions; his intensity; his hooded, drawn, Daniel Day-Lewis-like countenance; his ego and his glamour. He is not boring. Yet that is precisely why a relationship with him is so difficult. The artsy male can be very manipulative. He is unreliable; he is unlikely ever to value a mortal female above his Art. Yet social intercourse with the artsy male can be fulfilling if the female learns to appreciate his inherent cuteness and torment while maintaining her independence and refraining from too much investment in his pain.